Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
