it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
