3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
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the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
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Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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