Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
id be glad to
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
