I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
