And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
