sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
