She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
