She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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