good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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