she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
