Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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