He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
