Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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