my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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