Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
