Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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