Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
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He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
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I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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