Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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