im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We got so high we made milksteak
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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