Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
