upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
