I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
