This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
