i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
