I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
