i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
