I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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