:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
