dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
