Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
