the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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