What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize