so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
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At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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