At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
