Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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