No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
