Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
