We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
