how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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