You're so nebulous sometimes
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
