Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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