i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
