i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
