I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
