my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
