Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm too high and old for this...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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