Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
