strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
