Need sex. Gaining weight.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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