what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
