Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
