Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
