...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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