I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
