just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
