Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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