The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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