No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
