Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
