I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
