all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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