i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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