So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
false alarm, still single
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
