I'm retarded. Again.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum