Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
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I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
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Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.