I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
