today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE