my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
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Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(