If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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