today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
