i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
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he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
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Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.