Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
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Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
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She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.