I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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