We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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