Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize