i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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