I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
