We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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