Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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