Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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