I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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