I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
