he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
