she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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