I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
