Farmville is her only friend.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
